The Start

     It has begun... What you ask? My answer, " our newest journey". This is a journey that my heart has been on since the birth of our 3rd son. The desire to adopt or at the very least, foster.
     When B was born I knew that God had a girl planned for us somehow. Three boys, how could He not? He knows my heart and my deepest desires. Then my 4th son S was born and I thought I knew where God wanted us to go. I thought that we were suppose to adopt a girl. I set out trying to convince my dear hubby of this and almost had him. When S was 9 months old I found out I was prego again. I knew that this just had to be my girl. I had a girl name ready to go (who am I kidding, I had a girl name for all of my boys). I had cute little dresses and even my closest friends thought baby number 5 was a girl. Really, God would not be so mean to this Moma's heart. Well friends, baby number 5 was not a girl. Don't get me wrong, I.LOVE.M and would not change having him for A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G!! But at the time I was upset, sad, and just plain angry.
        So began the time of me fighting with God. Being angry yet knowing that I had 5 healthy children and had nothing to be angry about. Guilt would come as I would hear of people longing to have Little's of their own and I was upset with 5 happy healthy boys. O' the guilt...I was a roller coaster of emotions(just ask my dear hubby he will attest to it!) I hid it well. No one really knew. I was the happy mom of 5 boys, raising them to honor God and be leaders for the next generation yet on the inside I was a wreck. Then, in the midst of a bad time I heard God whisper. " You will have your girl". I am not sure how old M was when this happened I think he was about 3. I knew that I had to let it go. I had to chose to let God work and move. At this time I laid it down at the foot of the cross and said "God you know my heart and I know that in time you will give me 5 beautiful daughter-in-loves." Again, thinking I knew what God was thinking, I assumed this was what he meant.
     I gave up "chasing" the dream of a baby girl. I gave away all of our baby things. All of the little girl clothing that I had collected and stored in my hope chest I chose to give away as baby gifts. I have loved on so many baby girls. My friends laughed that when I need "girl" time I would come hang out with them. Yet deep deep in my heart the longing was still there.
   Years have passed and this past Oct. I spent time loving on some beautiful babies in an orphanage in Uganda. My heart has been forever changed. As I came home I contemplated what I could do here in Canada to help not only support Welcome Home in Uganda but also those children here who need help and love. The answer came easily and swiftly in the form of a TV commercial...FOSTER CARE!
     We do not have orphanages in Canada yet we have children who need help. They need families to love them and show them who Jesus is. I knew that this was what we were to do and again set off to convince the dear hubby.
        For me it comes down to sacrifice. Yes, we are finally at a stage with our kiddos that we can leave  at night and not worry about them. We could go away for a weekend and know that they are OK. Yet is this what we are suppose to do? We have "me" time and "us" time now but what about those babies who need to be loved? Can I sacrifice and give up the life I thought I was going to have and just love a baby who needs  me to love them?  Can my boys give up just a little bit of me? Can my husband make room in his heart for a little one who might only be with us for a short time? This all seems so little when I think of the sacrifice that was made for me. God giving up His son and watching him die...willingly giving up being with God the Father to come here so that one day I can be there. It is so beyond crazy that when I think of it my heart cries out YES. When we hear the call of our Lord our answer should be YES!
     On that note, today we meant with Cathy from Crossroads Foster Care Agency and started the paperwork. Wow...what alot we need to do. Police checks and Social Service checks are done. Now we need to take first aid, do 24 hours of training, get medicals done, get inspections on our vehicles, fill in tons of papers, and have a support worker come to our house and talk to all of us....seems a bit daunting but so worth it to cuddle a sweet little one! Praying that if this is what we are to be doing God will continue to open doors so that it will all work out! Praying for the little one that He has planned to join our family for however long. Praying that He will keep His protective hand on her as she is shaped in her mothers womb. Praying that her birth mother will love her enough to stop all of the destructive habits. He knows her name and we are praying that He will watch over her and care for her until we can!